Today I'm going to provide a couple of quick tips to possibly avoid the potential for misunderstandings and awkwardness during a conversation.  Misunderstandings and awkwardness can happen because we do not take into consideration that different people have different styles of communication.

Today I’m going to be explaining how you can tweak your conversation style to better match the person you are talking to.  This is going to help you if you are a CEO, a sales manager a podcaster or even a mom or dad.  These valuable insights can help in any situation.  So Let's get started.

We are going to focus on two broad types of people – Thinkers and Feelers.  It's interesting to note that there are an equal number of Thinkers and Feelers in society.

A Thinker might not understand or recognize their feelings of others easily - especially when they are aroused because of tension, anxiety or the stress of the moment.  As a result, the Thinker may not pick up on other person’s feelings or non-verbal cues and rely solely on the words used in a conversation for most of the meaning.  For the Thinker, it’s all about the facts and thoughts. If the "Thinker Boss" has an employee who is very in touch with their feelings, the Feeler Employee may need help in the form of prompting to explore facts and logic as that is not their natural inclination.

So let’s stop for a moment.   Without going any further, do you think you are a Thinker or a Feeler?   One isn’t better than the other and there isn’t a right or wrong answer.
 
Ok so how do you evaluate yourself?  The easiest way is to look at the words you gravitate towards.  This can be in casual conversation, business meetings, you can even glean info from your emails.  Look for words such as “I think” or “I feel”.
Thinkers say things like “I thought it over and...”, or “I thought you would consider moving towards...”,  or “I think this would be a great idea...”

Feelers say things like:

• “I felt like that was the right decision because...”, or
• “I can feel that you are not happy with the decision about...”, or
• “I was so worried, I didn’t sleep well last night.”

Now that you think or feel you know your communication style, think about a particular client or employee and try to determine what you think their communication style is.  If you have someone in mind and you want to try to improve your communication with them, try these suggestions next time you are speaking with them, especially if you are trying to provide constructive feedback.

If you are a Feeler, it's important to know that Thinkers do not like blatantly “feeling” type questions.  For example, a Thinker would bristle at a question such as “tell me how you feel about the suggestions I made to your report." It's just not in their DNA to go down the "feeling road" and you can lose them right then and there. 

A better way would be to ask:

• "What do you think of the suggestions I made in your proposal?." or
• "What would it look like if you amended your closing with this statement?”or
• "What was happening for you during the meeting when the client kept looking at his phone?” 

Notice that the word "feel" was replaced with "what do you think", "what would it look like" and "what was happening".  These are very subtle changes that will give you similar answers without turning off or miscommunicating with a Thinker.
Feelers on the other hand are most comfortable with questions like:

• “How do you feel about the recommendations I made to your proposal?” or
• “How would you feel about amending your closing with this statement?” or
• “How did it make you feel when the client kept looking at his phone?”

If you are a Thinker, it’s a little easier to ask the Feeler both feeling and thinking questions, however you may not get the depth of response from a Feeler if you are in fact looking for concrete logic in their answer. You may have to work harder for this information as they may not understand specifically what you are looking for.
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 If you are a Feeler working with a Thinker, you may have to actually work a little harder to come up with questions that are thinker-oriented.  Asking clarifying questions is always helpful to ensure you are both on the same page and really do understand what the other is asking for.
 
Here is a little exercise for reflection:
 
1.            What are some challenges you have experienced in the past or what challenges do you possibly foresee with a particular style of client, employee or co-worker?
2.            What might be some new ways you can address this person?
3.            If you are a Thinker, what will help you address a Feeler?
4.            If you are a Feeler, what will help you address a Thinker?
 
I hope you now have a greater awareness of whether you tend to lean towards the Thinker style or Feeler style of communication.  You should now be able to determine your predominant style, and possibly the style of those close to you both in personal and professional settings.  Mirroring or mimicking the language used by others is a great way to to show the other person that you understand them by "speaking the same language" so to speak.  I wish you every success as you continue to expand your knowledge and learn about the differences amongst individuals.
 
If you wish to receive more Conversations with a Coach, please subscribe to my social media channels or reach out to me directly at inquires@waterloocoachingclinic.ca.  Bye for now!

Recently I was working on increasing traffic on my website and as a result, I was examining keywords that potential clients use when searching for a Coach.  Although I wasn’t surprised, I did become more aware that coaching comes by many names.  I can empathize with a potential client - it must be hard to know what exactly you need or what kind of coach will be the best fit for your presenting issue or concern. 

From my lens as an Executive and Life Coach, I see this confusion as being one of the primary reasons it takes some clients so long to make the decision to send that email inquiry or to make that first call to a coach.

When researching coaches, you may ask yourself, what am I looking for?
Do I want/need a:

• Life Coach
• Career Coach
• Executive Coach
• Leadership Coach
• Communication Coach
• Personal Coach
• Business Coach
• Spiritual Coach                 
• Inspiration Coach
• Accountability Coach
• Elite Coach
• Prosperity Coach
• Power Coach 
• Professional Coach
• Relationship Coach

The list goes on and on. No wonder it can be difficult to figure out who to contact, as there is no consistent guideline for what each description means.   If you are looking for a real estate lawyer for example, you probably have a good idea that you do not need a family lawyer, corporate lawyer or criminal lawyer. 

I have also found there can be stigma around the term “Life” Coach.  Professionals tend to steer clear of life coaches and seek out coaches with business-related pronouns.  Even the term “professional” is unclear.  You can ask 20 people what a “professional” is and get 20 different responses.  However, connecting with a “life” coach is for some reason embarrassing, not cool or fluffy.  It’s as though seeking help with your “life” is somehow less important than your career – yet in my experience, every client with career challenges, also raises concerns related to their life.  And why not?  Isn’t work a huge part of our lives??!!

That’s why I’m okay with whatever term someone wants to use when working with me.  The goal of the Coach however, is to ensure the client understands the fundamentals of coaching so that the Coach can provide the space and clarity the client is seeking through conscious questioning.

I consider myself a well-rounded coach.  I am as comfortable working with an entrepreneur, as with an engineer or stay-at-home dad.  I’ve worked with young adults struggling with school and big life questions, and adults approaching retirement looking for help on how to wind down their careers and figure out what they will do with their impending spare time.

When searching for a coach – by whatever name you choose, just be sure you relate well to them.  A coach doesn’t need to know how to code to coach a software engineer any more than they need to have gone through a divorce to be a relationship coach. 
Ask yourself, is the prospective coach:

• Easy to talk to
• Respectful
• Trustworthy
• Asking thought provoking questions
• Honouring your opinions
• Doing far less talking than you are
• Non-judgmental
• Curious

The prospective coach should do a really deep dive into your presenting issue – that is, the reason you are seeking a coach in the first place or what it is you are looking for from coaching.  After an initial call, you can’t expect your issue to be resolved, but you should feel somewhat lighter, having unpacked some of your burden and having been guided, ever so slightly, into a mind set of motivation, hope and/or a feeling of satisfaction that you have made the right call.

Bottom line: do your research.  Spend time really trying to clarify what you are looking for and then plan to spend time basically interviewing your prospective coach.  Testimonials are also a great source of info in terms of the coach’s approach.  One size doesn’t fit all and before you sign any contract or commit to any upfront fees, make sure they are the best fit for you.
Keep calm and find yourself a great coach!
​
Christine Padaric, Executive | Life Coach
inquiries@waterloocoachingclinic.ca

“It’s not uncommon for people to spend their whole life waiting to start living.”  Eckhart Tolle
My younger self felt trapped most of the time out of fear of what others might think of me.  As young a five year old, I already was aware that this thinking was preventing me from doing the things I really wanted to do, but I always hoped or believed that something would magically change.  I would lose that weight I believed I needed to lose.  I would feel smart enough to speaking out in class or in meetings.  I would feel confident just doing what I wanted to do without analysing every step and talking myself out of it our of fear of embarrassing myself.
In university I knew things had to change.  If I were to get good grades, the professor would have to know who I was.  I went back to school as an adult student at age 24, so I wasn’t a kid any longer, but I was still too embarrassed and shy to voice my thoughts in a classroom.  I decided at the start of a new semester to say something – anything – on my first day of each class.  It was hard, but it broke the ice for me.  I found it easier to speak each and every day after that.  After all, I lived through the experience!  No one laughed, snickered, or called me a name. 
This very small shift in my thinking continued.  Whenever I found myself feeling uncomfortable, I made myself face that feeling.  I’d ask myself:

1. What is it that is making me uncomfortable?  (situation)
2. Where am I feeling it?  (where in my body?)
3. Why do I feel this way?  (What are the crazy, nonsensical beliefs I’m thinking, but the rational me knows are NOT true?)

Usually for me it was a social situation that made me feel a little sick to my stomach.  The “why” was usually something I was imagining and not at all based on reality.  If I could go through this three question process quickly and in the moment, I could usually overcome the obstacle.
I’d be lying if I said I no longer give a second thought to what others think, but for the most part I can push those old thoughts to the ground and move forward.
Too often we suffer in silence.  We believe ourselves to be the only one with a particular problem in a sea of supposedly confident people.  However, we all have our own issues and we all have our own fears.
Funny enough, when you begin confronting your fears, you will inspire others to face their own.  Someone is always watching you and wishing they had your courage, or your stamina, or your talent.  Really!  They are!
If I hadn’t learned to believe and trust in myself in my mid twenties, I would never have had the courage to become a Coach.  A tiny shift in the way you think will grow into a huge change in your life.  Start small, but set a goal.  Any goal.  Achieve it and then set another.  Just keep moving forward.  I believe in you!
Your Coach, Christine
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